Great Expectations

I’m not quite sure what I expected this morning while getting dressed. I suppose I expected to have lost that pesky 15 pounds miraculously overnight, after a day of eating better. Alas, I was the same poundage (and roundness) I was the night before. This shit is hard. I mean, what is a girl to do? I have given up all my vices.

Smoking. I am a former smoker from the age of 13 until I became pregnant with my daughter. Quit my entire pregnancy only to return to the tempting cancer sticks when she was 6 weeks old. I quit again when I became pregnant with our Angel Baby in 2005. After a miscarriage at 10 weeks, you guessed it…..I went back. Then there was the pregnancy of Boy 1. It was the hardest quit ever. I felt like I was detoxing off of heroin…although to be fair I have never done heroin so I am merely being dramatic to make a point. Shit was hard. I vowed never to go back again. So here I am, six months away from my 6 year smoke-iversary. I still crave a cig every now and then but never indulge.

Drinking. I am not by any means a recovering alcoholic. I did enjoy drinking, though. The weekends we did not have my daughter, we went to the local pub and had a blast. Laughing, carefree, dancing…..it was a blast. Now? If we decide to have one drink it really isn’t even worth it because one doesn’t do much of anything. It doesn’t unwind me it just makes me go pee and my face looks bloated the next day. If I was to drink any more, the limited amount of fun that would come from a drunken bender would pale in comparison to the multi-day hangover that would plague my entire body, coupled with the kids yelling….screaming….fighting…whining…..yeah you get the picture. Not worth it.

Goodwill. I am a former GW whore. I used to hit every Goodwill or Salvation Army locally weekly. When I was a stay at home I went almost every day. When I had only my daughter, I would go on the weekends or at night. There was always that warmth of excitement that flowed through my veins as the automatic door swooshed open….What will I discover today?! What deal will I uncover!?  Will it be a book, a new shirt, a toy for the kids!? I’m getting excited writing this!! Gahh! Unfortunately, errands need to be completed on my lunch break. Weekends chock-full of laundry, housework and playing with the kiddos. Nights occupied with dinner prep, dinner clean up, MORE LAUNDRY, kids homework, getting bits and pieces together for the next morning. Another vice I have given up.

So all that is left is food. Now I have to quit her. If I just wouldn’t have indulged in Februany at Subway last year when I was pregnant or if I wouldn’t have seen being pregnant as a free pass to eat…..maybe I would have only gained the recommended 25 pounds, instead of the 35 I gained. I can sit here and kick myself in the ass for only so long before I have to saddle up and do what I know I need to do. No more mouths full of Cool Ranch Doritos. No more handfuls of cheese sampling while cooking dinner. And most certainly no more trips to Walgreens after lunch to purchase chocolate. At least not for now. I am going to try and be good. I am going to try very, very hard. Let’s see how it goes. For now I am off to enjoy a low calorie, lime margarita at my desk. *CHEERS*