You are NOT the winner....

Hey, did you hear about the $2 million dollar Powerball winner in Iowa?! .......Well, it wasn't me so I went through my normal routine this morning. Wake up twenty minutes late, house is a disaster...no time to pick up, GET DRESSED BOY 1!, put on frumpy work pants with belt that is losing the pleather lining, no time for breakfast....will stop and drink soda for AM meal, STOP RUNNING AROUND NAKED BOY 1!, cuddle Baby Boy....discourage Daughter from wearing UGLY Nike Shox her 'Dad' bought her, GET SHOES ON BOY 1!, remote start car, BYE ALL, LOVE YOU!, get pissed off at heels....have Hubs throw flat shoes to me outside, whip heels at him (nicely, of course)............and off to face the school/work day. Now, I am not saying I would want the $200+ mil that NJ guy won but I would take a cool $2 mil. To top the morning off, I have apparently lost my soul. For two straight mornings my twenty minute drive to work has been snippets of songs that I scan for looking for a song to get me in the groove to go to work. Nada. Shania Twain, Outkast, Shanice (memba' her!?), Garth Brooks, Lil Jon, Toni Braxton...none of them did it for me this morning. I have heard of 'Soul' music....anyone know of some 'Souless' music I can tune in to? For now I will be left with the millions of thoughts that run through my mind, the sound of Baby Boy on his second day of crying and the popping of my Diet Pepsi. Shhh....maybe it is trying to guide me in the right direction for life.....nah. It's probably just the carbonation.

Spring Break 2013...the recap

I have ALWAYS wanted to come back to work. After maternity leave, the holiday break, weekends…..but today? Not so much. This past week with the kids was pretty awesome and it all started two Saturdays ago….

Sitting in the family room waiting to flip a load of laundry, I sat on the floor and watched Baby Boy look around at his siblings playing on opposite sides of the room. Normally I am on the go 24/7 but at that moment I knew something was going to happen. About five minutes in to his scoping the room out, it happened. He put his two tiny hands on the floor, popped his butt out so he was on all fours…..and took off. It wasn’t the “Did he really crawl?” or “He scooted a little bit!”….no. He took off like his life depended on it. I felt flush and my heart began to beat quickly. WHAT A RUSH! No feat at work EVER compared to the high, the thrill of seeing my Baby Boy accomplish his first milestone with just ME watching. I ran outside to Hubs, who was restocking his equipment, and he blurted out “OH SHIT! I MISSED IT!” I did feel a little bad for him but it was short lived because I…I got to see it!

Monday we had appointments to attend to and I now know Hub’s value. Corralling three kids is tough shit. I was gleaming with perspiration…it was not an attractive thing. I was so happy to get home and change in to my yoga pants and a tank it wasn’t even funny.

(Yoga pants side note. These things are freaking awesome!! And tennis shoes? This work attire and heels is bull! If you are wearing yoga pants right now…I mean I love ya….but I hate ya at the same time! *sad face*)

Tuesday was Mom Day. YAY! My Mom is always so busy so it was nice to actually have a day with her and the kids. We went to Wally World and she bought them a little something for Easter and I got the boring staples (milk, eggs, cereal) that grown ups get to buy. By the way WHERE IS MY EASTER PREZZIE MOM!? We then made our way to the local Children’s Museum. Boy 1 ran around so much I am sure onlookers suspected he was either off meds or cracked out. It warmed my heart to see him so happy and entertained. I was bummed it was so busy though because some stupid kids were hogging the supermarket area and DANG NABBIT I wanted to play checkout! Stupid kids. After a fast food lunch, it was off to the solace and comfort of home.

Wednesday my Niece in Law (is that even right? Would she just be my Niece? Who knows…..too tired to Google it) stopped by and visited. She is pregnant, due in May, and is struggling with the idea of SAHM or EOTH Mom (EOTH= Employed outside the home). I have been on both sides. A SAHM with Daughter and EOTH with the Boys. Both have their perks and right about now I would love to be the SAHM again……but it reminded me of how happy I am to NEVER be pregnant again. Yes….it’s magical BLAH BLAH BLAH and at the time I did love it but N-E-V-E-R again! Then Daughter had a gal pal come stay the night and I wondered if her parents would consider taking Daughter and leaving theirs. I decided it was inappropriate to ask.

Thursday I got to do one of my all time favorite past times. Recliner naps with Baby Boy. Just breathing in his wonderfulness…listening to his breaths…..it is quite possibly the most satisfying thing on Earth. Daughter made lunch for her gal pal and Boy 1 while I snoozed away. Having self sufficient kids is freaking awesome! Twenty minutes later it was back to my big house cleaning project.

Friday TAX RETURN DAY! WOOT WOOT! Off to Sam’s Club to stock up on paper towels, toilet paper, diapers….ect. I remember the days of “HEY! Tax return! Let’s go on vacation, let’s buy a TV!” And now I am all over here saying “HEY! Let’s go get economy size goods!”

Saturday we actually had decent weather! I was able to get my grill on and made steaks, brats and cheeseburgers with some sautéed onions and mushrooms on the side burner. NOM NOM NOM While the grill was a’grillin’ I decided that I had Spring Fever and the only cure for it was…..no, not more cowbell! I dug the loppers out and hacked away at my favorite purple in the Spring tree. I slept so well that night and the ache in my joints was a welcomed feeling.

Sunday…….the last day. *sad face* For the first time in God-knows-how-long we went out to lunch, ice cream and a family GW run. It was a success. Boy 1 made out the best as we got tons of clothes for him and the kids picked out some books to read also.

And then it was all done. The week was over. It wasn’t spectacular or anything but it was nice. I longed for the days of being a SAHM. It’s not like I am the breadwinner on this family and with the ACA taking effect next year who knows where we will stand with my benefits….so I still am pondering after 32 ounces of Diet Pepsi and bantering with co-workers…..what do I want? I am promising not to make a decision now. Not with the sound of Baby Boy crying locked in my head as I left daycare this morning. Oh why did I remind myself of that?! I feel confused. I wasn’t confused on Friday the 15^th…why am I confused so on Monday the 25^th?  I suppose you don’t have the answer, do you?

*Caution PMS Rant Zone*

You know what gets stuck in my craw? Women...no...girls...that claim to be involved Mothers. Yet, their parents raise their children, which makes ZERO sense to me because a certain number of them do not even work, and they post photos of their new hair color, new clothing, flawless makeup. Well, you know what a Mother looks like in my house? Woke up at 4:45 from the never ending Family Guy "Mama, Momma, Mama, Momma....x3,238" bellowing out of Baby Boy's room. Showering...personal hygiene...a half assed blow dry that singed my hair as the curling iron hit it....then there came the makeup. Oy...L'Oreal promises "Now, get the intense look and luxurious feel of a liquid liner with the easy application and precision of a pencil with L'Oreal's Extra-Intense Liquid Pencil Eyeliner ..." LIAR! BIG FAT LIAR! I looked like a tranny after my shaky hands applied it, now on the 2,458,923rd "MOMMA!"....and getting dressed. Yeah a big FU goes out to my closet this morning. You sneaky shrinking bastards. As I left the house I didn't even bother to put a coat on even though it is 10 degrees out. If I made it through getting ready and not dying....a little cold air aint got nothing on me!

Photographs

On the end table across from my desk in my office lie four photo frames. The smallest one, a 4x6, houses a black and white photo of Hubs, Daughter, Boy 1, Baby Boy and myself. It was taken at the hospital the first full day of our newly extended family. The funny thing is even though my hair wasn't done, I had minimal makeup and a nightgown on....it is certainly my favorite picture of all time. I felt as a mother, a wife...a woman....the most complete I had ever felt in my entire life. Behind that photo stand three picture frames, 5x7 in size. Each has a favorite, solo, picture of each of the children. I decided to update them today and as I replaced the favorites I couldn't believe how fast time had went by. Daughter had grown from a flower girl at my friend's wedding to a beautiful clarinet player at her first concert. Boy 1 had grown from a chubby bleach blonde boy running through the back yard in his 'Kiss me, I'm Irish" shirt to a tall, lean young boy on his first day of tee ball. Baby Boy had grown from barely holding his head up with dark newborn eyes to sitting up with his solid chubby build with big blue eyes. It made me feel like an adult, accomplished. This is what I have done the past eleven years....mold my children. Then it dawned on me....crap....I hope I am doing this right!

Donna Day 2013

This morning my Facebook feed was full of chatter about something called ‘Donna Day’. Curious, I clicked on a fellow page and was linked within her story to a woman who goes by Mary Tyler Mom. I sat and read each blog post and braced myself for what I knew the last post would be. My heart ached. For this precious little angel, for the family living through it and most of all a fellow Mother. We are supposed to fix things. Broken toy? Mom will put new batteries in. Lost mitten? Mom knows right where it is. Belly ache? Mom always knows how to make it feel better. But this. I cannot, even for a second, wrap my head around trying to ‘fix’….cancer. With the exception of my Grandfather I have never known the struggles of a terminal illness. Moms, well we always have to put on the brave smile when there is an ouchie to attend to, the first day of school jitters or all the other moments that your children hurt. We are supposed to be brave, strong, unbreakable….right? What happens when your precious daughter looks at you, after battling cancer, and says "Why am I worried I'm dying?". So, today my heart goes out to the entire Mary Tyler Mom Family and most importantly a fellow Mom. I suppose the saying does go, You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Hug your children a little tighter tonight. If they spill their drink at dinner, don’t fret. If they don’t eat all their dinner, don’t stress. Just love. For some Mothers do not have that option with one of their children tonight.