Donut CHEERS

If I could tag each of you in this post that left kind words or liked my “I’m sorry” post last night….I would. I have always prided myself on being an organized, elegant, have-it-all-together Mom. Last night was rough for me. There I was….makeup half smeared off revealing my ruddy complexion and dark circles, dangling a 25 pound wiggly Baby Boy on my left hip, diaper bag unzipped dangling off my right arm, popping Fruit Loops in Baby Boy’s mouth to keep him happy and then there was the frantic speed walk through the school trying to locate Boy 1’s coat while I flopped one heel in front of the other on the verge of tears. So as the never-ending day came to a close I posted my thoughts, turned the phone off and went to sleep dreaming so deeply I almost felt guilty for smoking a cig in my dream. As I checked my page this morning I was overwhelmed by the support and stories of Moms just like me. So I thank you for confirming what I knew deep down that I am not the only Mom who goes through days like that. Still guilt hung over from last night I took the boys to the gas station for Donut Friday and purchased, for the first time in a long time, one for myself. I hold my donut up and salute all of you on this THANK GOODNESS IT’S FRIDAY! <3

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry I was so rushed picking you kids up because traffic was a nightmare. I'm sorry I didn't pay better attention at Kindergarten Roundup because Baby Boy was extremely fussy and my mind wandered to the piles of laundry waiting for me at home. I'm sorry we didn't stay for pizza and a cookie like you wanted, Boy 1, because my arm went numb from carrying your brother and my heels were digging into me. I'm sorry I lost your coat, Boy 1,  and took three teachers, a janitor and twenty minutes to locate it. I'm sorry yall heard Mommy cry. I'm sorry your cough is driving me EFFIN INSANE, Daughter. I'm sorry I had to take five minutes alone to regain some sense of composure and put you in your crib, Baby Boy. I'm just sorry. I'm a sorry excuse for a Mom tonight. There isn't enough Cinnamon Toast Crunch, amaretto or Xanax in the world to take the guilt away. So I'll wait til everyone is asleep, say a silent prayer that tomorrow is better and you have your Super Mom back because today I seemed to have misplaced my cape.

Adventures in Retail Therapy

Well, this is…puzzling. I went, I shopped, I have no merchandise. Following a quick bite to eat I decided I needed some retail therapy. With last week’s stress of daycare closing (I think we are out of the woods, not 100% but pretty sure) and this past weekend’s *cough* *cough* *cough* still echoing in my head I needed a little Jenn Time. I was in hot pursuit of a new purse, Mom….don’t judge. Strolling through the aisles that were rather on the slim pickens side I spied a Guess purse that I was ‘in like’ with. An older gal picked up one, in a different color, and solicited my opinion. I said ‘I like it!’ She proceeded to thank me and inform me it was a Birthday present for her 70 year old gal pal. *blank stare*….and back to the rack went that purse!! (Any of my 70+ friends around here, take no offense I ♥ YA!) Okay, shoes. Shoes’ll do?! I have big feet so I was really gambling on that idea. Size 10 is a squeeze but in a good brand, they fit. Problemo. Size 10 a-l-w-a-y-s on the bottom…..and there went 25 boxes of shoes scattered all over the shoe department. If that wasn’t bad enough my Amazonian feet wouldn’t fit in anything. It was then I decided to give up. This whole retail therapy was going about as well as going to your skinny friend and expecting empathy on an ‘I’m a big ol fatty’ day. So I walked out. I felt like a shoplifter. As I pulled out of the parking lot I suffered my last bout of humiliation. Apparently I had Ludacris up next on my mix CD and this awkward Iowa white girl turned fifty shades of red as people began to stare as his lyrics wafted through the open sunroof. I quickly changed to the next track which was a much more acceptable Kelly Clarkson song. So I emptily traveled back to work with the sad sounds of adult contemporary hugging me like a distant Uncle. Feeling unfulfilled and ill at ease.

Step-less Fathers...*cheers*

Somewhere in Iowa a stepfather rearranges his schedule to take Daughter to urgent care. He patiently waits amongst the room of ill folks (keeping his aversion to sick folks at bay) and when given the prescription dutifully drives to pharmacy and waits yet again all in an effort to assist her in a road to recovery.
Somewhere else, around the metro area, a biological ‘father’, ignores repeated phone calls and texts. Already gives the bare minimum…wait what is less than bare minimum….to his child’s upbringing and yet is visiting Sleepyville, enjoying the benefits of never having to miss a wink of sleep due to a child’s illness.
Here’s to all the men who step up to the plate another man left on the table!

Blessings...

Well today is the day. The School Board is supposed to vote at noon…..

Sometimes when I get overly stressed I turn on the oldies station on the way to work. They usually play songs I know my parents liked and I try to insert myself in to their mindset when they were just a set of young parents up and coming. I think they must have lived through the same tribulations as Hubs and I do….the stresses of money, children, marriage, life. They made it out the other end. Yeah, maybe divorced and strained relationships with kids from time to time but in the now? Everything is a-ok. So I am calm, cool and collected. Whatever happens today is simply another part of the life roller coaster. Either it’s the bottom and we are going up…..or we are at the top and hold on to our bellies because we are fixen to drop. I am counting my blessings today. I am alive, as are the ones I love. I have a home, food to eat, clothes to wear, new lotion that makes my skin feel like silk…you get the gist. Life may not provide everything I WANT, but today and right now I have everything I NEED. And for that I am grateful. Take a minute this morning to count your blessings, in the business of life it is so easily forgotten!

Thunderstorms and cereal addictions

Thunderstorms. I remember, 185 years ago, when I was single with no kids I loved them. They way they gently woke me up in the night as the room filled with light, rumbles of thunder and the dancing of rain on the windows. Now? It means Hubs up to rock Baby Boy, Boy 1 possessing over half of the king sized bed with his Gumby physique and Daughter biting her nails and mumbling three inches away from my face in an effort for sympathy and an invitation in to bed. As Hubs and I shuffled around the house this morning, resembling something out of a zombie movie, we looked aged and quite pathetic. So we broke out the non-fiber, kids cereal and ate to our hearts content. As he enjoyed Fruit Loops (which Baby Boy absolutely loves and I have figured out works as a bribe to enjoy dinner….ENJOY dinner….crazy concept) I broke out the Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I cannot be trusted with these squares. You have heard of alcoholics, drug addicts….well, my name is Jenn and I am a CTCW (Cinnamon Toast Crunch Whore). I promised that I would only have one bowl but after seeing the amount of leftover milk I had, decided to eat another. Then I ran out of milk, so I had to add more cereal….you see the tangled web I get myself in to. And there I was feeling all dirty and hating myself from the massive amounts of CTC. Off to hang my head in shame!

School Board...Schmool Board

WHY MUST I BE SUCH A COMPLICATED WOMAN!? I know it is a stereotype but I am fitting in to it pretty well these days. The school board meeting lasted quite late last night. Educators, parents, grandparents….they came out in droves to plea with the board to not close our birth-2 early learning center. Men, grown men, on the board were moved to tears but in a strange twist the two female board members sat stone-faced with a random buzz kill comment here and there. I left the meeting around 9:30, while they were still debating. They delayed the vote until Friday in an effort to save the program upon word from the State of Iowa on funds. The whole thing was exhausting. It has been quite a journey emotionally for me. I have openly shared my current ‘mini mid-life crisis’ with you through the past weeks. I have been in my current job for over eight years now. Boring HR same ol, same ol…this person quit, lets hire a new….this person needs a new uniform, get him a new one…..just blah. I just keep thinking this whole thing is a sign. For what? I don’t know….could I be one of those people who go back to college at 30 something? Does that make me a yuppie? Does that make me an irresponsible adult for quitting a job with benefits (crap pay) to pursue a dream? It seems pretty deep for 8 AM and I don’t even have chocolate to ponder it over with. Bummer.